Jamie Lynn Spears, younger sister of the iconic Britney and star of the slightly-less-iconic Zoey 101, took to Instagram to discuss one of her very normal, regular people problems: her Teslas are killing her cats.
I’m finding myself at a loss for words here, but I’m going to do my best.
In the now-deleted video (which has been preserved by the ever-reliable TMZ), Spears spoke directly to viewers and saying that “somebody’s gotta let Elon Musk know” that Teslas are dangerous machines that require some serious thought. No, not because people have chronically misunderstood its poorly named self-driving function or any of the recalls that have been issued.
No. Spears says Teslas kill cats.
“We have now lost—I don’t want to tell you how many cats—because they don’t hear the Tesla crank, and unfortunate things happen, and it’s really devastating and tragic for everyone involved,” Spears said. She dubs the quiet Tesla a “secret cat killer.”
Spears goes on to posit that the Tesla needs some kind of noise upon start-up, something “that bother cat or animal ears when it cranks up, so that way, they know something’s happening and they aren’t caught off guard and things don’t end in a very tragic way.” I suppose like one of those high-pitched whistles that people don’t hear but that drive dogs crazy.
She ends the video saying, “Elon Musk, let’s figure this out. You owe me a couple cats.”
Pretty unfortunate, right? Well, a lot of people thought so, too—and a lot of people gave Spears a heaping pile of shit for it. And, I’d imagine, rightfully so. She had to pop back on Instagram stories later to say that, actually, she never ran over any cats and that Tesla shouldn’t be exclusively blamed because there was some “user error” involved.
Whether or not Spears’ Tesla has been running over cats, this is as good a time as any to issue a reminder that, if you have cats or other small animals crawling around near your vehicles, make an effort to actually shoo them out. Cars are a great shelter for animals. Maybe keep your animals out of the garage or double-check wheel wells. Make some loud noises or honk the horn to give the animals a chance to scurry off. There are more options here than solely an internal combustion engine.